We spend a staggering amount of time on social media platforms—143 minutes per day, on average, according to 2024 research from GWI. That’s over 36 days per year spent on social media. Some of the time is of course well spent (we are connecting on LinkedIn around this topic after all). But imagine the potential if we reclaimed even a fraction of these hours.
A study from Lund University found that reducing social media use to 30 minutes a day significantly improves mood, focus, and reduces stress. In addition it could free up 687 hours each year—over 34,000 hours over the next 50 years. That’s more than 2 years of our lives we could dedicate to things that truly matter: meaningful work, deep friendships, picking up that guitar or writing that book.
By shifting our mindset and being intentional about how we spend our time, we can achieve more balanced, fulfilling lives without sacrificing performance.
Sustainable high-performance isn’t just about optimizing for wellness or productivity. It’s about adapting your effort and ambition levels intentionally toward your long-term goals. This means focusing on what’s important to you, rather than being driven by socially fueled overachievement.
❓ What would you do with 34,000 hours of reclaimed time
Emma Vallin, Organizational & Leadership Consultant
I’M CRAZY BUSY RIGHT NOW
I hear many people saying that work is crazy busy right now. It usually is this time of year. On top of the end of year frenzy, many of us struggle with pressure to deliver more with less resources, often with less clarity.
I listened to a talk by an emergency physician about Triage – a sorting system to allocate limited resources to do as much good as possible. The criteria differ between country and situation, but in essence: when disaster hits, there should be no doubt about whom to treat first.
Without in any way comparing corporate pressure to emergency care, wouldn’t it be great to have a clear-cut way to allocate our personal resources (time, energy, and cognitive capacity) when things get ‘crazy busy’?
As a starting point, ask yourself:
1️⃣ What are my top 3 priorities? (the easy part)
2️⃣ How are they reflected in my calendar? (the painful part)
3️⃣ How can I design my work, so that my most productive time is spent on my top priorities? (the game-changing part)
Or as Steven C would say: When you have too many top priorities, you effectively have no top priorities.
If my business had a muse, it would be Louisa in Encanto 🏋♀️
I watched the movie again with my kids the other day. The lyrics really speak to my mission of helping high achievers perform sustainably.
❓❓ What would you say to Louisa, to the ’Louisas’ in your team, to yourself if you identify?
”I’m the strong one, I’m not nervous
I’m as tough as the crust of the Earth is
I move mountains, I move churches
And I glow, ’cause I know what my worth is
I don’t ask how hard the work is
I take what I’m handed, I break what’s demanded…
Under the surface, I’m pretty sure I’m worthless if I can’t be of service
Under the surface, I hide my nerves and it worsens
It’s pressure like a drip, drip, drip that’ll never stop, whoa
Pressure that’ll tip, tip, tip ’til you just go pop, whoa, oh, oh
Watch as she buckles and bends but never breaks, no mistakes
Who am I if I can’t run with the ball?
Who am I if I can’t carry it all?”
Pulling an all-nighter, doing 80-hour weeks, burning the midnight oil.
There are countless cultural references and expressions of overwork, most of them talk about the number of hours we work.
Emma Vallin, Organizational & Leadership Consultant
The 8-hour workday can be traced back to the Industrial Revolution and was introduced as a way to give workers enough time to rest from heavy manual labor. In a knowledge based society, where many of us mainly work with our brains, what would be the equivalent rule? How should our workdays be structured to optimize and protect our cognitive muscles?
We have all experienced days or meetings that left us completely spent, barely able to hold a conversation with our family at the dinner table. Some tasks are just more cognitively demanding than others. A 30-minute disorganized Teams meeting with conflicts can leave us mentally drained while a whole week of working on a passion project can even add to our energy depot. These insights are particularly important when you’re in a billable hour practice or run your own business.
Or as George Orwell might have put it, had he been writing LinkedIn articles in 2023:
‘All hours are equal, but some hours are more equal than others.’
I find human capacity and performance management fascinating and I’m not surprised that it’s a well researched topic. There are numerous behavioral science studies and psychology papers exploring human endurance and how we maximize performance. From looking at what world record holding athletes have in common to analyzing iconic chess games.
I recently came across Samuele Mancona’s study about how mental and physical fatigue are linked. It was described in Alex Hutchingson’s book Endure: Mind, Body, and the Curiously Elastic Limits of Human Performance, which I can really recommend. In the study, Manconaasked volunteers to be part of two time-to-exhaustion tests on a stationary bike. Basically, the participants were asked to cycle until they were too exhausted to continue. Ahead of the first test, the volunteers were asked to spend 90 minutes on a mentally draining computer game that required their full attention. Ahead of the second test, the participants were instead asked to watch a bland and emotionally neutral documentary.
After the mentally draining computer game the volunteers gave up 15,1% earlier on the bike test.
There were no physiological explanations to the time difference – their heart rates, lactate levels etc. were the same. They were similarly motivated in both the tests as the best performance was rewarded with a $50 prize. The difference was that when the participants were mentally fatigued, they reached their perceived point of physical exhaustion quicker.
In the study, they used the Borg scale, after Swedish psychologist Gunnar Borg, to measure perceived exertion. In his view perceived exertion is the best measurement of physical strain since it’s based on signals not only from muscles, joints and the cardiovascular system but from the central nervous system as well.
Here’s more from Orwell:
“Reality exists in the human mind, and nowhere else.”
The results of the study might make sense to us instinctively even if I for one can’t explain it. But it does make me wonder why so many workplaces are still organizing work based on hours, as if all hours were indeed created equally. Surprisingly often I meet managers who expect their team to clock 40, 60 or 80 hours per week, regardless of the kind of work the employees have done or the results generated.
Our jobs are more cognitively demanding today than ever before. The value we add, as simpler tasks are AI’ed out, is often about solving complex problems, managing change or generating ideas – mentally expensive work. Add to that all the distractions we expose our brains to every day.
I believe managing our cognitive resources will be a critical skill going forward, both for achieving meaningful work goals and for important social interactions.
So how would we organize and measure work if LinkedIn-Orwell had a say in it?
USE COGNITIVE RESOURCES WISELY. Since attention is a scarce resources, be mindful what you spend or waste it on. Do a cost benefit analysis for the things you spend a lot of time on, like meetings and emails. A study published in MIT Sloan Management Review 2022 found that by implementing just one meeting free day per week companies improved autonomy by 62%, cooperation with 15% and engagement with 28%. Avoid powering through when you feel exhausted, it’s counterproductive.
AUTOMATE. We make thousands of decisions every day and each decision uses a part of our cognitive capacity. To focus your decision-making energy on the things that really matter we need to automate as many decisions as possible. Barack Obama allegedly only had one type of suits to eliminate that decision every morning.
HAVE STRIPED DAYS. Mix more challenging tasks with easier throughout day. Balance physical and cognitive tasks. Take frequent breaks and longer breaks. Change the environment you’re in – go work in the office canteen for an hour. Avoid de-prioritizing rest, exercise or sleep. Avoid back-to-back meetings and tasks.
LEAD THE WAY. As leaders, you need to role model this way of viewing work. Be open about what you need to do your best work and what boundaries you have. As organizations we need to start rewarding and promoting responsible energy management. In business planning or when resourcing projects, make sure you are crystal on the cognitive capacity you have and how to prioritize it. Call out ways of working that misuse people’s energy.
Over to you:
How can you organize your work to get the highest ‘ROCI – return on cognitive investment’ or ‘bang for the mental energy buck?’
Last month I celebrated my 3rd anniversary as a fulltime entrepreneur. Happy birthday to me!
Emma Vallin, Executive Coach & Leadership Consultant
In some ways you can compare starting a business to parenting a child. It’s an exciting idea to bring a child into the world but few of us were prepared for the toddle tantrums and a 3-year old’s talent for accidents. (My youngest son went through a period of putting peas, sweetcorn, and anything small enough up his nose 😫).
What parents learn, often a bit too late, is that their toddler isn’t trying to drive them crazy nor kill themselves. They are simply learning and developing by testing boundaries.
A small business goes through similar growing pains. It can be equally challenging, unpredictable, and full of ups and downs. Just as parents can draw strength from watching their cherubs sleep peacefully after a day of food attacks, entrepreneurs can find energy from reflecting on their experience.
– We need to remind ourselves of why we set out on the journey in the first place.
So, as my ‘third child’ turns 3, here are my reflections:
🎂 My BS ratio (Nonsense work/ Meaningful work) has dropped from about 10-1 to 1-10 since I left my corporate career. Back then my days were filled with ineffective meetings, impression management and producing endless amounts of PPT presentations. Today most of my time is spent on what I consider meaningful work, things that help me achieve my mission.
🎂 The freedom that comes with being your own boss is even greater than I imagined. Perhaps the greatest freedom for me is being able to choose whom I want to collaborate with.
🎂I’ve grown and developed a lot in these years. It’s incredibly rewarding to be able to use all your talents and experience to create something of your own.
A big thanks to my supporters, clients, partners, and the amazing fellow entrepreneurs I’ve met along the way.
Here’s to the next 3 years, hoping they will be as fun and rewarding, but perhaps a bit less crazy.
Who can forget the Friends episode when Ross, ask Rachel and Chandler to help him carry a sofa up the stairs?
According to the Oxford Dictionary the word Pivot means to turn or balance on a central point.
I’m sure it wasn’t Ross’ intention, but he has definitely inspired my framework for effective self-leadership. In the workshops or trainings I do with clients we often work with these 3 elements:
Self-awareness
Direction
Tools & habits
Self-awareness:
To lead ourselves effectively we need to know what we’re good at, what our vulnerabilities are, what we value. In other words, we need a central point to start from, to come back to. To pivot from.
Direction:
Understanding our ‘why’, being clear about where we’re heading and what we would like to achieve is critical to self-leadership.
As JFK said ’Efforts and courage are not enough without purpose and direction.’
As goals change, our circumstances change, we need to be adaptable and use regular reflection to be open to new goals and ways to get there.
Tools and habits:
It’s not enough to have a range of tools and positive habits. Effective self-leaders also have high levels of psychological flexibility – the ability to use different instruments and draw upon different strengths depending on the situation.
So when you’re stuck, when circumstances change, as you evolve – remember to pivot.
Stay firmly grounded in who you are, your central point.
Keep your eyes on your ’why’, the horizon.
And turn, try new ways, gain new perspectives, learn.
Back to Ross in Friends, I’m sure we can agree there is some room for improvement when it comes to his collaboration- and leadership abilities. And things didn’t turn out well for the sofa (see episode clip here). But at least he gave us the Pivot!
If you or your team are interested in Self-Leadership initiatives, feel free to reach out.
Många av oss prioriterar bort just de aktiviteter som skyddar oss från negativ stress:
Meningsfulla samtal IRL
Reflektionstid
Natur
Motion
Vi behöver ’reflektionera’ mera!
Reflektion + Promenad = Reflektionad
Som Margaret Wheatley sa:
“Without reflection, we go blindly on our way, creating more unintended consequences, and failing to achieve anything useful.”
Sista torsdagen i varje månad pratpromenerar vi tillsammans
Vi möts klockan 8:30 vid Blå Porten nära Djurgårdsbron och promenerar, reflekter och delar förhoppningvis meningsfulla samtal.
Jag delar kort om en modell, ett verktyg eller forskning inom självledarskap. I par eller grupp om tre så promenerar och diskuterar vi (på säkert avstånd). Vi stannar halvvägs och delar våra insikter och tankar, jag ställer en ny fråga och vi byter promenadpartner.Vi är tillbaka senast kl 9:30 vid blå porten och du kan cykla hem eller ta dig vidare till en arbetsdag laddad med:
Nya perspektiv och insikter
Full av energi och inspiration
Nya intressanta kontakter
Tankar kring hus din kommande månad ska se ut
I höst ses vi: 26 augusti & 30 september. Eventuellt släpps fler datum längre fram
Boka en plats senast kl 12:00 dagen innan (formuläret nedan eller på kontakt@emmavallin.se / 0709195374
Deltagande är gratis men vi begränsar deltagandet till högst 10 personer av praktiska skäl.
Väl mött!
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We’ve come the end in our series Achievement patterns and strategies with the Comparer.
The Comparer lives by the words: ‘The grass is always greener… ’.
Comparison is nothing new. In 1954 Festinger came up with the social comparison theory. At the core of his theory is the idea that people come to know about themselves—their own abilities, successes, and personality—by comparing themselves with others. It’s central to our need for acceptance and belonging.
But the Comparer archetype takes this behaviour to the extremes. Comparers have a clear view of what life should be like and constantly compare themselves to others. They make sure their Instagram feeds are perfectly color coded and are at risk of being addicted to social media.
As a Comparer you also want to be perfect IRL and try to say clever things, be helpful and serve the right food at dinner parties. If people around you are unwell you risk missing the signs and often don’t observe your own signals of stress either.
Drivers and Fears:
Low self-esteem
Fear of being abandoned
Fear of rejection
How to overcome:
Do a Social media detox – really! Here are a few tips:
a) Give your digital devices a bedtime.
b) Start a new morning habit.
c) Delete your social media apps.
d) Replace social media time with a new hobby or activity.
e) Break the habit of reaching for your phone.
f) Use technology for reasons other than scrolling social media.
g) Pay attention to the media you consume.
h) Spend more time observing the world around you.
i) Track your progress.
j) Set yourself reminders to not check social media.
2. Learn to spot the bottom of the iceberg. When you find yourself comparing, turn the tables around and ask yourself what the other person might admire in you. We can never really understand someone else’s reality, struggles and insecurities just as they might not have all your strengths in sight.
3. Practice Meditation
Ok, so those were the 6 (over)achievement archetypes.
I use this model a lot in my coaching practice and it’s central to the Achievement Detox program. Often clients tell me that they can relate to several archetypes but when looking into the driver and fears it often becomes clear which overachievement strategy they use the most.
And that’s where we focus in with behavioural experiments.
Because as with all behavioural change, we need to work through the 3As:
First we need to be AWARE of our behaviours and cognitions
Then we need to ACCEPT the situation
But nothing will change unless we ACT – we need to try and evaluate new strategies and slowly build new behaviours.
I hope you have enjoyed the series. If you would like more information or would like to work with me as a coach, please get in touch
Motto: ‘winning isn’t everything, it’s the only thing’.
Competitors see life as a race and always try to be just that little bit better than everyone else.
If you identify as a Competitor achievement archetype you often ignore your own basic needs such as sleep and food.
You sometimes come across as judgmental and go to extreme lengths to hide your own failures and shortcomings. You often step on people’s toes.
There is a lot of shame involved in this achievement strategy and the competitor risks ending up a lonely person. If a person hinges all their value on winning, who are they when they lose or can’t even compete anymore?
Drivers and Fears:
The belief that the one who is best gets all the rewards
Fear of feeling worthless
The belief that you are only loved and accepted when you win
How to overcome:
Understand your insecurities. Our insecurities fuel competitive, jealous feelings. These insecurities may have developed in our younger years because of experiences that made us feel unworthy. Reflect on or speak to a therapist about what your family motto was growing up and which events shaped you.
Do a cost /benefit analysis. How are you hurting? Are you being productive, creative at work? Is your lack of vulnerability making you a bad leader/ colleague?
Define your own success and standards. Instead of using others’ accomplishments as benchmarks for success, get clear on what success means to you, what your goals are and, critically, how you would like to get there? (read how many toes you are willing to step on).
Where do you draw the line between healthy ambition and unhealthy competitiveness?
Vi drillas från barnsben till att åstadkomma, klättra, prestera och aldrig ge upp. Förmågor som kan ta oss långt. Men vad händer när prestationsbehovet börjar skada relationer, hälsan och på sikt resultaten? Kan vi förebygga stressrelaterad ohälsa genom att förändra våra prestationsmönster?
Coachen och ledarutvecklaren Emma Vallin berättar om sin egen resa från prestationsberoende marknadsdirektör genom ett experiment hon kallar sin Prestationsdetox, till att idag hjälpa individer och organisation utveckla hållbart ledarskap. Det serveras praktiska verktyg och en hel del igenkänning.
VEM ÄR DET FÖR?
Alla som är intresserade av självledarskap och personlig utveckling.
De som upplever ett prestationsbehov som påverkar hälsa, relationer eller gränsdragning.
Chefer och företagsledare som vill förstå och hjälpa sina högpresterande medarbetare att hålla i längden.
VAD DU FÅR MED DIG:
Kunskap om prestation och negativ stress
Möjlighet att reflektera kring dina egna prestationsmönster
Verktyg och tips för att du eller dina medarbetare ska prestera hållbart
Berättelsen om Emmas Prestationsdetox med risk för igenkänning och några skratt
VAD TIDIGARE DELTAGARE SÄGER:
’Alla borde se över sitt eget presterande och förhållningssätt till jobb och måsten i livet. Väldigt intressant! ’
’Emmas berättelse är personlig och berör. Den ger hög igenkänning och bjuder på skratt och intressanta reflektioner’
’En på samma gång sårbar och humoristisk föreläsning. Mycket tankeväckande och den gav mersmak.’
anmälan
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This is probably the achiever archetype I identify the most with. People who are Constant Achievers (and I at times) live by the motto:
‘You can rest when you’re dead’.
The constant achiever is a multi-tasker who always juggles several big projects. If you identify as a constant achiever work is always on your mind and you are likely checking emails around the clock.
In your spare time, you renovate your apartment, take a language course or prepare for a marathon (yep, yep and yep)
Everything you do has a purpose and a goal. Your to-do list is your comfort blanket and you likely to most things in life very quickly. As a consequence the constant achiever is rarely in the moment and at high risk of burnout.
Drivers and Fears:
Achievement as a safe zone.
Addiction to the ‘high’ of achievement.
It is uncomfortable to take it easy, laziness is frowned upon.
Fear of stopping development.
How to overcome:
Get clear on the negative consequences of constantly achieving. List what it does to your health, relationships, and results.
Practice self compassion. Start with: Avoid saying and thinking judgmental things about yourself, spend time doing things you enjoy, Letting go of external validation.
Behavioral Experiments: This part was central to the ’achievement detox’ I did a few years ago to limit the damage my achievement addiction. I embarked on a 1 year experiment during which I took on a very junior role at work and banned all achievement focus from my life. It was an eyeopener but also a very painful experience. In Cognitive Behavioral Therapy we instead recommend smaller experiments such as:
Post on LinkedIn and stop yourself from checking the results for 24 hours 😉
Have a dinner party without meticulously preparing the food.
Swim on the slowest lane and allow yourself to be overtaken by everyone
Yep, have tried all of the above and as for most Constant Achievers, it’s hard work and something we need to keep practicing
‘Spend 55 minutes thinking about the problem and 5 minutes thinking about solutions’
This achievement strategy is about never leaving anything unresolved. If you identify as worrying problem solver you often experience anxiety and negative stress when facing a challenging problem.
On top of the anxiety the issue with this approach is that it’s very ineffective. When the brain’s threat system is switched on you are unlikely to find constructive solutions.
The result is a behavior that is motivated by getting rid of discomfort. In the short term, it feels better to dwell on the problem than to leave it.
Drivers and Fears:
The dopamine kick of solving things.
Inability to deal with the discomfort of disappointment.
A tendency to catastrophize.
Fear of failure.
How to overcome:
1.Recognize the difference between worrying and productive problem solving. Here are some signs that you might be worrying:
You dismiss all your solutions as ineffective.
You are tense, distressed, and upset.
You spend a lot of time focusing on how things could go terribly wrong.
2. To get out of worrying-mode. Try taking some slow breaths from your diaphragm and relax. If that doesn’t help, take a break (go for a run, Clean the toilet). Come back to the problem when you’ve had a chance to settle down.
3. Put negative thoughts into a drawer. If you still find yourself slipping into negative thinking. Let the thoughts come, then mentally put them into a drawer, lock it and tell yourself you can open the draw again in an hour. In the meanwhile focus on positive ways to solve the problem.
Have you experienced periods of worrying and anxiety? What tips would you give to someone who is a worrying problem solver?
Motto: ‘If you want a thing done well, do it yourself’
Achievement by control is about keeping a close eye on everything and everyone around you. If you identify with the Controller archetype you probably know exactly what will happen on Tuesday in 3 weeks and love writing lists and plans.
You prefer to take care of most things yourself and delegation and collaboration could be a challenge for you. The Controller can have a hard time dealing with unexpected events.
Due to their challenge with collaboration and delegation, Controllers risk losing valuable input and inspiration from people around them. In extreme cases they could end up alienating colleagues and friends.
Drivers and Fears:
Fear of losing control
Fear of uncertainty
Will to succeed
How to overcome:
Educate yourself about anxiety and control. Rather than falling back on control as a defense against uncertainty, learn all you can about the fear that is driving you to micromanage. Read books or see a therapist.
2. Ask yourself how effective controlling really is. For example, is asking your teenage son whether he’s brushed his teeth every morning an effective way to make him take responsibility for his dental care? If not, stop and rethink your approach.
3. Ban control-oriented language from your vocabulary. For example, unsolicited advice or criticizing someone’s perspective. Altering your language takes courage, and you must commend yourself for learning how to let go of control.
What advise would you give a Controller? If you identify as one, how do you overcome your need to control?
Många av oss prioriterar bort just de aktiviteter som skyddar oss från negativ stress:
Meningsfulla samtal IRL
Reflektionstid
Natur
Motion
Vi behöver ’reflektionera’ mera!
Reflektion + Promenad = Reflektionad
Som Margaret Wheatley sa:
“Without reflection, we go blindly on our way, creating more unintended consequences, and failing to achieve anything useful.”
Sista torsdagen i varje månad pratpromenerar vi tillsammans
Vi möts klockan 8:30 vid Blå Porten nära Djurgårdsbron och promenerar, reflekter och delar förhoppningvis meningsfulla samtal.
Jag delar kort om en modell, ett verktyg eller forskning inom självledarskap. I par eller grupp om tre så promenerar och diskuterar vi (på säkert avstånd). Vi stannar halvvägs och delar våra insikter och tankar, jag ställer en ny fråga och vi byter promenadpartner.Vi är tillbaka senast kl 9:30 vid blå porten och du kan cykla hem eller ta dig vidare till en arbetsdag laddad med:
Nya perspektiv och insikter
Full av energi och inspiration
Nya intressanta kontakter
Tankar kring hus din kommande månad ska se ut
Boka en plats senast kl 12:00 dagen innan (formuläret nedan eller på kontakt@emmavallin.se / 0709195374
Deltagande är gratis men vi begränsar deltagandet till högst 10 personer av praktiska skäl.
Väl mött!
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Motto: ’Anything in life worth doing is worth overdoing’.
This achievement strategy is about doing everything to perfection, keeping your promise and never ever handing anything in half-baked. Perfectionists often respond to emails immediately so no one has to wait and tend to compensate for the shortcomings of others.
These overachievers scan the reactions of others to pick up any signs of irritation or disappointment so they can figure out a way to correct it. They have a clear view of what life should be like and how we should behave as individuals.
Just like their overachiever cousins – the Comparison Junkies – the Perfectionists keep track of everyone on social media and compare themselves all the time. On a bad day they can spend 60 minutes writing and rewriting a two-sentence email. Chronic procrastination could be the result of perfectionism.
Drivers and Fears:
Fear of failure
Fear others upsetting others
If I make a mistake, it will lead to a catastrophe
I am the reason others feel bad
If I do everything right I am accepted/loved
How to overcome it?
Practice realistic thinking. Because perfectionists are often very critical of themselves, one of the most effective ways to overcome perfectionism is to replace self-critical thoughts with more realistic and helpful statements. Some examples of positive realistic statements: Everyone makes mistakes! Nobody is perfect!, All I can do is my best!
Changing perspective: Perfectionists tend to have a hard time seeing things from another person’s point of view. Start by asking yourself: How might someone else (e.g. a close friend) view this situation? What might I tell a close friend who was having similar thoughts?
Exposure: Having a problem with perfectionism is a lot like having a “phobia” of making mistakes or being imperfect – you get paralyzed by the thought of making mistakes. Exposure is an effective method to overcome your perfectionism, here are some examples of simple exposure practice:
Show up for an appointment 15 minutes late.
Tell people when you are tired (or other feelings that you consider a weakness).
Wear a piece of clothing that has a visible stain on it.
Lose your train of thought during a presentation.
Try a new restaurant without first researching how good it is.
If your perfectionism or other overachiever strategies hold you back and you would like to develop heathier behaviors and strategies – book a free consultation with me and we’ll take it from there.
PS: My own exposure practice while writing this post was to only read through once before publishing 🙂
Next up on the series of overachiever archetypes: The Controller.
